MUNICH: In a stunning move to placate Germany’s growing Muslim population, German Chancellor Angela Merkel announced Saturday that all Oktoberfest celebrations in Germany would be outlawed, and replaced with an alcohol-free “Multicultural Enrichment Festival”. While many applauded the move for creating a welcoming and inclusive environment, many see this move as a yet another step in the destruction of Western Civilization as we know it.
“Muslims are a welcome and vibrant part of our community” Merkel stated “Alcohol is forbidden for Muslims to consume, and it’s simply rude for us to revel in drunken debauchery for an entire month, while they look on in disgust at our pathetic lack of self control. We can learn so much from Mohamed.”
Oktoberfest is the world’s largest beer festival. Held annually in Munich, Bavaria, Germany, it is a 16 to 18 day folk festival running from mid or late September, to the first weekend in October, with more than 6 million people from around the world attending the event every year. Locally, it is often called the “Wiesn”, after the colloquial name for the fairgrounds, Theresa’s Fields. An important part of Bavarian culture, the Oktoberfest has been held since the year 1810. This year marks the end of this over two hundred year old tradition.
Frank Franz, head of Germany’s far right National Democratic Party, was almost apoplectic with rage:
“This is insanity! One of Germany’s oldest and uniquely Aryan traditions is being destroyed in the name of the failed policies of multiculturalism. In fact, DNA evidence proves the ancient Egyptians, the inventors of beer, were Aryan. Merkel is not only obliterating German history, but world history!”
The planned “Multicultural Ethnic Enrichment Festival” will include a mass Islamic prayer at the Brandenburg Gate. Attendance by all Berlin citizens, and their children, will be mandatory. There will also be a Gay Autumn Harvest Pride Parade, every weekend in October, through the streets of Munich. The end of the festivities will be capped off with a “Borders are Fascist” concert played by David Hasselhoff and Rammstein.